Take this into consideration for a bit

So, here's my problem. I'm currently involved with a man deployed out in Iraq. I might as well tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth because it's not like I personally know any of you.
anyways.
Back to the problem.
Mr. Army Hunk and I met online, from there I added him on my messenger and we started talking. For a ferw months I really didn't take any weight into getting to know him until one day, he surprised me with a "Hey, wanna go on a roadtrip?"
This all lead down to loving relationship lane.
Well, here's the thing about loving relationship lane:
1) You have to have met the person. Only heavens knows if their not playing you along.
2) You have to be -ready- for a relationship that demands commitment.
3) At all costs, keep your cool on loving relationship lane.

At all three things I've mentioned, oh ho ho, I've failed.
I haven't met him personally, I just got out of a heart breaking relationship, and I'm not keeping my cool!
Currently: This blog is a vent and portal of all my fears and thoughts. You've been sucked in and therefore have been submitted to whatever the hell I'm doing. Cool with this?

So, Mr. Army Hunk and I haven't made contact in about four days.
Why is this a problem?
because I'm all of these:
1) Worried he might be dead and big huge camel spiders are crawling all over him.
2) Doubting our relationship-- What if he says the things he says to me to another chick on his msn? Am I being strung along?
3) Do I really love him? I feel so very strongly about him but how do you feel love?
4) Very very lonely and sad. Last week was rough and I really needed someone to talk to.

oh!
More vent!
Last week:
So Wednesday and Thursday were finals days. Hurrah for stupid tests that are easier than hookers on sale in the armpit of Idaho. Really.
So I took my Floriculture final (and aced it thank you very much) and started signing my friends yearbooks.
A few minutes into that Amanda (also known as douchette, which is her name from here on out)
tells me to start looking up to the white board. I grumble and continue signing the yearbook, paying no heed to said white board. So for the next ten minutes this pestering continues and my patience wanes. I finally look to Douchette and she's grinning-- bigtime. She instructs me to look at the white board in which I finally do. On it I see a paper plate. And not just any paper plate, it was a very ugly paper plate with an ugly face on it with an ugly smile and ugly hair. With a perplxed expression on my face I wonder why she is telling my to look at this. And then I see my name with an arrow pointed at the plate.
This shouldn't really be a thing for someone the cry about but when you try so very very hard to look your best each day and slap on a smile, it gets really really hard not to. I cried in my mothers arms to say the least.
Douchette got a nice laugh out of the "expression on my face" and the next morning commenced in telling my that I had a huge ass. Which makes no sense, I'm a size six and she's a size sixteen. Really, what sense does that make?!?!
anyways, to condense it all together.
I am very very sad and lonely.